I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
