Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
