it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
