Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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