He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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