Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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