drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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