I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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