Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
