Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My liver just had a heart attack.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
