just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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