My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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