I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
