I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
