I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The air was thick with penises
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
