My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
