Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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