AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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