And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
