it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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