I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
