Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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