i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
