Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
