3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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