According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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