If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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