there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
