it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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