i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
