I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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