My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
