I'm gonna have a badass scar
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
