Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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