He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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