I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You need a sexual gate keeper
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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