I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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