Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
