So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
