I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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