hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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