i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
