They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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