You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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