I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
