Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
