yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
