Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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