i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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