my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
