Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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