Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
