Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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