So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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