The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
