that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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