Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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