am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
