I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
