Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
