dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
