I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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