oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
