he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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