i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
