he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
