Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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