What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
