I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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