How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
