Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't think brook has ever known best
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
