I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
