I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
