he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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