420 ftw
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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