i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
