this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The air was thick with penises
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
