i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
