May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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