Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
