We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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